Al: I've got to give Harvey his weekly sponge bath and pedicure, fix
my leaky atomic reactor, recycle my used tissues, vacuum all the spicy
cheese doodles off the sofa, alphabetize my soap collection,
visualize world peace, wax the kitchen floor, scrape the mold off the
cheese log, and throw out any milk that's not from this year. Man, this
is too much responsibility!
Al: Hey, Corky, what brings you around here?
Corky: I was wondering if I could borrow a box of smelly socks.
Al: What do you need smelly socks for?
Corky: Actually, it's more the box I need.
Al: Got a letter here from a Steve Chai in Bellingham, Washington,
and Steve writes...Oh! It's an answer to our trivia question! If you
remember we asked our viewers to name all 42 presidents of the United
States. Let's see if he did it. Uh huh. Yeah. All right, Steve, you
named them all! You named them all Bob, but close enough!
you win this lovely...used toothbrush! Good goin'.
Harvey: Don't tell me evil alien pirates who look like giant fish
and come from a planet where they use bagels for money are robbing
every deli in the area.
Fatman: Yup!
Harvey: That is just SO typical!
Fatman: Hey, everyone, we have a special meal today! Bagels and
smoked lox! And it's kosher!
Bobby: That film had nothing to do with nuclear reactors! Now I
won't be able to do my report for school! I'll fail out of class, my
self-esteem will drop through the floor, I'll start hanging around
with the wrong crowd, they'll trick me into joining small band
of counter-revolutionaries from some small, third-world country like
Aruba. Then I'll be captured and held hostage by rebel forces, only
to escape and live life as a hunted boy! A hunted boy! It's all your
fault!
News Anchor Al: A new study says, if given the choice, most
Americans would prefer to eat as much chocolate as they can
without getting fat over the ability to fly. Fools.
Varna: You see, in my native country, hamsters are a very important
part of our culture because hamsters are so intelligent, hamsters are
so supple, and so very, very delicious. Any last words? What's that?
Go to a commercial? Okay, we'll be right back.
Announcer: If you thought Twister was terrifying...
Businessman: Did you feel something?
Announcer: If you thought Dante's Peak was daunting...
Girl: Mommy, I'm cold!
Announcer: If you thought Volcano was something with a "V."
If you thought there were no more natural disasters left to make a
movie about, you thought wrong. 60% Chance of Rain, the most
horrifying new movie of the season. The weather got out of hand.
Mayor: We can't go starting a panic, not during tourist season!
Announcer: Only one man had the courage.
Deputy Al: Mr. Mayor, I don't care what happens to your tourist
season! Someone needs to tell these people that they might need a
jacket!
Announcer: To bring Mother Nature to her knees...
Deputy Al: C'mon, people, let's go! Everybody in the rec room! We don't
know what we're in for. C'mon inside, everybody!
Announcer: When the barometric pressure increases, so does the
pressure.
Boy: So we don't even know if it's gonna rain?
Deputy Al: No, son, we don't.
Announcer: 60% Chance of Rain. Coming soon to a theater near
you, maybe.
